My personal stress level dropped at least 75% this past weekend.
Why??? Because we wrapped up our 2022 taxes with our Tax Accountant, and we are actually getting a tiny refund this year (which we will just apply to next year's taxes). We've also saved enough money to pay all our accountant fees, and even some quarterly payments.
Phew, what a relief!
Filing my annual taxes is one area where I benefit from hiring help. I also hired coaching assistance with my personal bookkeeping (yes, that is a thing) which has helped me to better manage my books and money.
I dropped off all my paperwork at the accountant’s office a few weeks ago, and I blissfully went about my subsequent weeks. Then I received an email from Mr. Accountant with some questions. I could feel my cortisol levels rising. I got a little nervous sensation in my stomach and a little sweat on my brow. I answered his questions, gave him the documents he needed, and anxiously checked my email every day, multiple times a day.
I had some tax stress for sure.
Stress as a defined concept is pretty new. In the 1950s, one of the early scientists to write about stress, Hans Selye, defined stress as “the non-specific responses of the body to any demand for change." Since then, the negative impact of stress has been entrenched into our lives, thoughts, and language. Most of us view stress as bad–something to eradicate. I feel like all of my work–and all that I offer through my classes, workshops, and trainings–has been focused on stress reduction.
But that might not be the best approach.
The same scientist noted above, Hans Selye, continued to study stress over the years, and he eventually came up with two different terms for stress: eustress and distress–literally "good stress" and "bad stress."
According to Selye, eustress has positive health and emotional benefits, which include:
lasting only in the short term
feelings of energy and motivation
feeling excited
being within our range of coping skills
increasing our range of performance (helping us to speak in public, finish projects and accomplish tasks)
and distress can have negative health impacts such as:
lasting more long term
triggering anxiety or depression
surpassing our coping abilities
decreasing our range of performance (inability to finish tasks or to focus)
creating overwhelming negative feelings
While distress can cause lack of focus, confusion, burn-out, and disorganized behavior, eustress can create more focused attention, emotional balance, and clear thinking. Eustress can help to induce a creative flow state. That is often why a deadline can inspire someone to finish a project.
So the question is–can you turn a state of distress into a state of eustress???
Yes.
Health Psychologist Kelly McGonigal explains that the secret lies in understanding how stress benefits you. McGonigal’s states that “you create the biology of courage” when you interpret the physical symptoms of stress–such as a pounding heart–as a call for action. She encourages people to notice the physical sensations of a stress response (the feeling in your belly, the sweat on your brow, etc...) and view the response as helpful information about a situation, not as a sign of stress-doom.
I know, this seems easier said than done. But you can actually practice adapting to small stressors so that it gets easier over time.
Some examples are:
Exercise–whether it's a weekly yoga class, a walk or hike, or a dance class, physically challenging yourself (pushing just a little past your comfort level) will help you to be more resilient.
Cold Water Therapy–try turning on the cold water at the very end of your shower, or maybe just take a cold shower. It won't be comfortable, but if you keep it short and practice breathing, it will build more resiliency towards uncomfortable situations.
Thrilling Experiences–this could mean going to a theme park, riding a roller coaster, reading a thrilling book, or watching a thriller movie. These experiences (as long as they are deemed safe by your doctor or medical provider) can help you experience a little discomfort while still being safe.
Travel–visiting new places often puts us out of our comfort zone and offers some stressors that we can (mostly) manage. Travel also teaches us we can plan for some things, and learn to accept things that are out of our control (like flights, weather, TSA, etc...).
A New Hobby–taking on a new hobby, activity, (even a new job) creates some healthy challenges and invites new experiences that we can learn to adapt to.
The other important thing is to recognize when something is outside of your range of coping skills. I realized this a few years ago about money and taxes. The stress of managing it all was piling up and creating more long-term anxiety. Hiring accountants and coaches has helped me to feel more confident and has offered me a structure and system so I don't feel as helpless and overwhelmed. I still feel stressed at tax season; that didn't go away. But I have a support system and am learning skills to help me work through the positive stress. And I have gotten a lot better at my bookkeeping!
The important thing to remember is not all stress is bad, and our perception and reaction to the stressor is more important than the stressor itself. Changing the way you relate to stress influences the intensity of the experience.
As with so many things, questioning our perceptions, our thoughts, and our actions has the potential to transform our lives.
Quotes For Good Stress:
“If you want to conquer the anxiety of life, live in the moment, live in the breath.”― Amit Ray
“We must have a pie. Stress cannot exist in the presence of a pie.”― David Mamet
“To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.”― Leonard Bernstein
“I promise you nothing is as chaotic as it seems. Nothing is worth diminishing your health. Nothing is worth poisoning yourself into stress, anxiety, and fear.”― Steve Maraboli