In my 200 hour yoga teacher training, I offer a list of teaching ethics for students to consider as they step into the role of teacher. I reference asteya twice in these ethics. Asteya means non-stealing, to not take from others. Asteya is much more than simply stealing objects or money. I try to tell my students that yoga teachers steal from their students all the time, and they have probably witnessed or experienced such stealing.

Teachers often steal from a student’s experience when they force them into the notions of “right and wrong.” If a teacher physically forces a student into a posture, they are stealing from that student’s experience. If a teacher tells the student “no, you are doing that wrong, do it this way,” that is stealing. Teachers often force an ideology onto their students—this is especially common in the spiritual world and often leads to acts of gross abuse. There is no one right way to practice a posture, there is no one right way that a posture should look, and there is no one right way to lead an ethical and spiritual life.

But it’s not just yoga teachers that do this kind of stealing. We all engage in such acts when we assume we know what is right for someone in any situation. We steal when we are in conversation and we jump to share our own experience instead of listening to what is said. We steal when we take more than is needed and leave nothing left for others.

Parenting is the ultimate testing grounds of my yoga practice. At the time of this writing, my own daughters are entering adulthood. It is easy to believe one has ownership over one’s children—those are MY children. But the truth is, they are their own people! They have to live their own lives, mistakes and all. I think that many parents fall into the faulty belief that their children are supposed to act a certain way and be a certain kind of person. Then, we force this same perception onto everyone else that we interact with.

Author Deborah Adele shares in her book The Yamas and Niyamas—Exploring Yoga’s Ethical Practice, that we steal from others when we don’t pay attention to their needs or we discredit their concerns. Sadly, parents do this all the time! Well meaning parents will often force a young adult to pursue a degree or career that they have absolutely no interest in, because the parents think it is the one right career, or the only way to make money. Enforced beliefs around religion, politics, gender, or sexuality and so much more are all examples of how parents steal from their children’s lived experience and ability to make their own authentic decisions. And these acts of stealing can be very subtle, perhaps just a simple phrase such as “oh, you really want to pursue that?” or even “why would you want to wear that?” can steal away a lifetime of self esteem.

Another approach for practicing asteya is to consider it from a more positive perspective. Instead of thinking about all the ways we might potentially be stealing from someone with our actions, thoughts, and deeds, we can instead embrace how to support and honor another person’s lived experience. The one perspective I try to hold is: How can I honor this person’s personal space? How can I honor this person’s physical, mental, and emotional needs? How can I offer support for this person to live in their most authentic self? Of course, this is all framed from the perspective of ahimsa-non harming, and satya-truthfullness.

I also need to honor my own needs in this same way. I believe it is generous to let others know my own personal boundaries as well.

Remember I said this is a practice, not a perfect.

It can be easy to fall into the idea that there is only one right way to do this. Well, there isn’t! And I can say from experience that mistakes are inevitable. I can’t be my best self every single day and I frequently get frustrated and overwhelmed. But just like my asana practice, (and my learning Italian practice!) I know that if I keep coming back and try again another day, I will make progress over time. Deborah Adele states: “Imagine what would happen if each time we took something, we gave something back?” (p. 63, The Yamas and Niyamas)’

To pay attention to someone else’s needs and concerns instead of imposing our beliefs onto them is to act from the framework of generosity. How can I give you my attention and my listening, instead of making you listen and only pay attention to me. This is the foundation of how I try to teach.

I encourage students in my classes and trainings to use and consider the following phrases in an effort to honor the autonomy of anyone they are interacting with.

• Notice what happens when…

• How does this work for you?

• What feelings are arising?

• There is no one right way…

• It’s ok to come into something and then come out…

• It’s ok to make many mistakes.

When have you witnessed or experienced someone stealing from another simply through their words?

When might you have engaged in such an act yourself?

Imagine if when you took something, you also were able to give back?

Let me know how asteya shows up in your life, and how you try to practice this Yama.

"Generosity allies itself with an inner feeling of abundance—the feeling that we have enough to share."

— Sharon Salzberg