The Trouble With Kindness
Recently I read Topher Payne's alternate ending of Shel Silverstein's The Giving Tree. Josh and I used to read this story to our girls when they were little, and we would all get so angry over the ending. The tree basically dies to give itself to the boy's desires for a house, for money, etc... The retelling changes the ending so that the tree sets some firm boundaries and won't let itself be chopped down by the boy who supposedly loves it so much.
(I would really LOVE it if trees could actually stand up for themselves in this way...)
What I enjoyed about this retelling is how it focuses on boundary setting and non-harming as the foundations of kindness.
In yoga, ahimsa––non-harming—is the first ethical principle to living a yogic life-style. Ahimsa is about being kind to ourselves and to others, establishing a much-needed balance in the way we share our energy. We should be kind to others and at the same time be kind to ourselves.
Kindness is the most important gift we can give to anyone. But we can get stuck thinking that being kind means we must always give of ourselves and always say yes. Offering kindness does not mean we let people walk all over us. We don't need to give and give and give without ever saying no. Sometimes saying no is a form of kindness. When I let someone know what I will or won't tolerate, I am being honest and true to myself. That is what the retelling of the Giving Tree was all about, and I think it is an essential thing to keep in mind when practicing kindness.
With this in mind, here are a few ways you can offer kindness to others and to yourself:
Ten Ways to Show Kindness Towards Others
Surprise a loved one with an unexpected phone call or text
Take a moment to listen to someone's pain
Ask, “How can I help you?”
Say, “I’m sorry.”
Give a customer service agent a compliment
Buy someone else’s coffee
Let someone cut in front of you in line
Leave a five- star review online
Brighten someone's day with flowers
Compliment someone--anyone!
Ten Ways to Show Kindness Towards Yourself
Talk and think kindly towards yourself
Practise gratitude
Invest in your interests
Practise mindfulness
Spend time in or around nature
Forgive yourself often
Be clear about your personal boundaries
See a therapist
Buy yourself flowers
Write yourself a love letter
Yoga offers us another lesson on kindness. Sutra 1.33 states (roughly translated by me):
Offer loving kindness and friendliness towards the happy, compassion for the sorrowful, joy for others, and equanimity–or being undisturbed by events and not being drawn into judgement or contempt–towards those we disagree with. These are the four attitudes that will bring peace of mind.
When we make kindness a regular practice, when we dig in and test our reactions and assumptions about it, we can experience the kind of transformation that helps heal ourselves and others.
“It's a little embarrassing that after 45 years of research & study, the best advice I can give people is to be a little kinder to each other.”
― Aldous Huxley
